Introversion

I feel as if I am becoming more and more disconnected from my "normal" life lately.  I am constantly becoming more introverted and almost to the point of becoming agoraphobic at times.  I feel the need to be more and more disconnected from reality and drown myself in video games and music to escape it.  I push myself away from my friends, then feel bad for not giving anyone my time.  My anxiety levels have been through the roof lately, and I just sit on the computer to relax because even going out to get the mail weighs heavily on my stress levels.  The constant feeling of restlessness is brutal and I am still unsure on how to correctly handle it.  This is not a reaching out for help episode, I am perfectly fine with being introverted and keeping my distance from people, it seems easier than anything else in my trials and tribulations over the past several years.  It is quite hard for me to correctly explain my feelings with out getting aggravated or annoyed, so I am not asking for complete understanding or acceptance, just know that if I seem distant or dismissive that it is just me and my own thoughts. I feel more comfortable behind my phone then in person.  I recently read a clip online that said "My life is a constant struggle of wanting to be alone, and not be lonely." This completely sums up how I have been lately.  I just want it to be known that when I do come out of my cave, it is extremely hard for me, and I will probably act weird, but it does help the anxiety just bullshitting with friends or family. I honestly am trying to work on this as much as possible, but it is something that I need to handle on my own accord.  I know that I make plans, and then last minute back out or forget about them altogether, and I apologize for being a bad friend in that regard, sometimes the stress of actually getting my ass out of bed is too much for me to handle and I just need to try and hit reset for the day.  If you have taken the time to read this, thank you and I hope it brings to light why I have been acting differently lately.  I am always around, I am not dealing with depression or anything like that, just trying to work out my personal issues with myself.  I constantly look for reasons to not trust people or just despise them all together, it sounds very bitter and horrible, and I honestly don't even know why, just another thought I suppose.  To end, please know that I love all of my friends, and just hope that you can understand and forgive me for my actions and attitude over the past few months.